Everyone knows that the majority of people believe it’s because kids work, and money. Or who takes care of the socks? Some believe it’s because we aren’t right for one another or don’t have enough common ground. It’s not you and him/her. It’s not difficult for anyone on the planet to be more complicated than another human being. Consider that. All of us are difficult. Each of us comes to every new relationship expecting it to be easy. We all have our share of painful, unresolved past relationships. Love is more complicated and difficult than work and love. This is due to our neurobiological reflexes. So let me explain. Let’s begin with the fancy food cortex, also known as your high cortical regions. Let’s just call them ambassadors. Actors can be very intelligent and deliberate. They are also slow. They are also very costly to operate. They are great at planning, predicting and organizing. They are really good at **** making it up. Think of ambassadors when you think about logic and reason. Now let’s think subcortical areas, brain. Let’s call them your primitives. They are very efficient at using memory and are very easy to use. They are involved in love and sex. However, they also detect threats by scanning for danger words and phrases, dangerous voices and gestures as well as dangerous faces and voices. Primitive thinking is that they are in fight or flight. Your day is now 99% automatic, thanks to primitives. Your ambassadors are fond of novelty but must give up some newness in order to save resources. Your ambassadors are too much gear to run your day. Your brain would be fried so that the primitives can use procedural memory. Also known as body memory, it is also called. It works this way. When you learn how to ride a bicycle, your rights as a bassador are fully activated. This skill is essential to learn. Your primitives will soon be able to ride a bike without the need for ambassadors. It’s pretty neat. Now you are in love and your brain is giddy. You want to learn everything about them. They are my favorite thing. I want to touch, feel, and smell them. They are addictive. Nature is high on drugs. Drugs. These are not dopamine. Forward. You want more noradrenaline to focus and pay attention. You know what, testosterone. A distinct drop in serotonin. You can obsess and separate. You’re a chemical addict, a new row. You spend your entire time together, for weeks or months, and then you start to get serious. This is the key, as your brain will soon automate this person. There is a way for him to automate you. This is how the brain functions. This will make your relationship feel easier. It will also lead to you making your first big mistakes. You stop paying attention. You lose your ability to be fully present. This is because you rely on procedural memories to manage your relationship. This memory covers all of the emotional important things in your life. Your primitive brain will interpret your partner’s thoughts and feelings through this memory lens. It’s sorta like this. Are you getting outlook? You didn’t get any. What? It’s the sound of our nervous system malfunctioning. That’s just our nature. It will happen, and it can be frustrating if your brain doesn’t work properly. As a couple therapist, I know that fighting is an inevitable part of any relationship. Conflict is part of any relationship. If you’re a conflict of winter, your partner will think you are dangerous. The fight is not the problem. It is when one of you or both threatens to leave. It is the end of a relationship. A relationship can survive fighting, but not the fights. Loss of safety and security. Communication and perception. All error prone. Human communication. It’s not a great day. Most of the time, we misunderstand each other. We don’t care as much if we feel good. The human communication process gets worse. Memory is not reliable memory. It is faulty in fighters who have a good memory. Both of you are probably wrong. You are playing tricks on yourself. Your perceptions are like funhouse clearing your perceptions. We can’t assume that our communication tower memory, or our reception, is the truth. That will lead to trouble. Do you want to know the truth before we talk about threats? You must leave an abusive relationship. This does not mean that you should have large teeth. Red is the only threat to small teeth. These are the ones we face day in and day out when we bump into each other. We fight. Why does fighting spin out of control, you ask? It’s because the real-time is too fast. When we feel threatened, our instinct is to react and act with the previous hours. We don’t know how we got here. It’s OK. Shut up. It’s me, right there. Here’s what I have to say. This is my point. You don’t know what you are talking about. You sound confident. Let’s get to the fun stuff. You all carry your neurobiology lab everywhere you go. Here are some experiences you can have in your own home. This is when the relationship moments get tense. Change position go. I die face to face. What happens? Okay. This is why you can’t find your car, phone, or email while texting. Our eyes regulate our nervous systems. I’d like to learn more about. It can happen to anyone, regardless of past experiences, personality, or trauma history. No angels, no devils here. We are all capable of being dangerous. We all make mistakes and make big errors in communication, memory, and perception. It is a decision to be in a marriage. It’s a decision to be in a committed, loving, and secure relationship. It’s not about getting what you want. It is important to look after each other. Relationships that have been successful in the past are a blessing, as most people don’t get this concept. Our main task is to make other people feel safe and secure. The world is dangerous. This has been true since the beginning. It is even more dangerous now. It’s not always easy to have our backs.